Rules for the Family
By James B. Stenson
In a unified, healthy family, parents teach conscience and character to children mostly by example and directed practice. Therefore, the rules of the family all begin with the word We…
1. We respect the rights and feelings of everyone.
We do not engage in name-calling or put-down.
We do not use foul language or profanity.
We say to everyone: please, thank you, I'm sorry, I give my word.
We do not interrupt; we wait to talk. (No interrupting parents when they're with others, their personally or on the phone, unless the matter is urgent - and then we say, "Excuse me, please …")
We do not talk back when corrected.
We do not make promises lightly; but if we do, we keep our word.
We treat appointments and deadlines as binding promises; if we cannot keep them, despite our best efforts, we render a sincere apology.
We respect each other's privacy and personal property; we knock before entering a closed room, get prior
permission before borrowing.
We do not bicker or quarrel at the dinner table.
We do not gossip about people, or otherwise talk negatively about people behind their backs.
We mind our own business; we stay out of matters that do not concern us.
We greet adults with good manners and a firm handshake.
We give guests the best of what we have.
We practice good telephone manners, and thus bring honor to our family.
If we have offended, we apologize - even if we did not mean to give offense. We put charity ahead of our pride. If someone renders an apology to us, we accept it - for it is dishonorable to refuse to make peace.
2.) We all contribute to make our home an attractive, civilized, and efficiently run place to live.
We enter the house with clean footwear only; if we accidentally make a mess, we clean it up.
Males do not wear hats or caps indoors.
We do not return a car home with less than a quarter-tank of gas.
We do not slam doors; if we do so by accident, we say, "I'm sorry …"
We do not bring "outdoor activities" indoors: running, ball playing, missile throwing, roughhouse wrestling,
unreasonable shouting.
We do not shout messages from one room to another; we walk to wherever someone is and deliver the message in a normal voice.
We do not consume food or drink in bedrooms. No eating outside kitchen, dining room, and recreation room.
We do not overindulge in food or drink; no unauthorized eating between meals.
We hang up clothing when not in use; all clothing is in one of three places - on us, in closets and dressers, or in laundry for cleaning.
We lay out clothes at night for the next morning.
If old enough to do so, we make our own beds in the morning.
We put playthings and tools away when not in use.
If we've eaten off, or drunk out of, something - then we rinse or wash it and put it where it belongs.
If we've borrowed something, we return it where it belongs; if we have lost a borrowed item, we either replace it or pay for it.
We fulfill "house responsibilities" (chores) promptly and to the best of our ability. This includes assignments for school.
We can all make suggestions ("input") about many things in family life, but parents make decisions in serious
matters.
We do not aim for "results" but rather for personal best effort.
3.) We give people information they need to carry out their responsibilities.
When we go out, we always inform: Where? With whom? When return?
If we are going to be late, we call.
We get prior permission, with at least one day's notice, for sleepovers, camping trips, and the like. Insufficient
notice may mean no permission.
We come straight home from school, except with prior permission.
We bring home all new friends and introduce them to parents.
We return from social events at a reasonable hour, one that has been previously agreed upon.
We take phone messages intelligently: name of caller, time called, phone number of caller (if applicable), gist of message (if any), name or initials of person who took the call.
In general, we avoid "unpleasant surprises" in the family
4.) We use the media to promote family life and welfare; we do not permit the media to work against family life and welfare.
We have nothing in the home that offends our moral principles and treats people like mere objects (materialism):
this means no pornography, no gratuitous violence, no depictions of rudeness or gross vulgarity. This pertains to
t.v., movies, video games, music lyrics, posters.
We will watch t.v. and video movies together: sports, high quality films and programs, news and documentaries…and that's it.
We do not watch t.v. on school nights … unless we watch together as noted above.
If we squabble over t.v. or video game, we get one warning to stop; if problems persist, the activity is terminated.
We keep use of the telephone under reasonable control: no calls during dinner or homework or after 10:00 pm; no outgoing calls after 9:30 pm except for emergencies; calls limited to 15 minutes.
We devote most of family life to healthy work and play, not glued to a tube. We spend our time in conversation, reading, study, chores, and games - getting to know and appreciate each other in the few precious years we have together as a family.
5.) We love and serve God above all things; we thank Him and ask His help for our needs and those of others.
We thank God by worshipping Him together on Sunday.
We dress well for church - because God is more important than anyone, and we give Him our very best.
We pray before meals and bedtime and on other special occasions. God lives in our family, not just in church.
We treat clergy with respect, gratitude, and affection … and we pray for them and their needs.
We pray for each other, for the Church, and for all those in need.
We rely on God's help to forgive our sins and lead us to surpass our limitations.
We are always conscious that God is watching over us with His fatherly protection … and our lives thus become a sporting adventure.
(These rules for the family are excerpted from Lifeline: the Religious Upbringing of Your Children by James B.
Stenson - available from Scepter Publishers, Inc. P. O. Box 1270 Princeton, NJ 08542. For mail order, call 1-800- 322-8773.)